After reading Slogging the Slavs, other people might be interested in driving through Eastern and Central Europe in search of adventures. What would you say to these people?
Keep a spare five euros in your shoe for bribes and don’t drive at night. There are potholes you could bury your old dishwasher in. When in Bosnia, don’t go onto the hard shoulder. It tends to be covered in mines. You’ll also need an international driver’s license, a compass, a good map, and don’t drink – the limit in many countries is zero.
You trip was necessarily bare bones. What one thing did you leave behind that you wish you would have had with you during your travels through Eastern Europe?
A gun. Just kidding. I wish I had some spare change when I was trapped on the Belarusian border, short of 70 cents.
Do you think the next time you go to Eastern Europe, you think you will be better prepared, or do you prefer to “wing it” when you travel?
It depends if I’m going there to write or not, and with whom. If I was with my girlfriend, I couldn’t put her in these dangerous situations. If I was going there to write, I wouldn’t want to be stuck in a boring hotel. I’d rather sleep in the car beside an anti-aircraft gun.
You’re a self-admitted Slavophile. What draws you to Eastern Europe and its people?
Possibly I was Ukrainian in a previous life. A psychic seems to think so. There’s something I find so appealing about seeing donkeys and carts with license plates, weaving in and out of rush-hour traffic; babushkas with headscarves and gold teeth, cycling past with rakes on their shoulders. It’s different. The Western World will always be Western. Eastern Europe will not always have Trabants, rotting tower blocks, minstrels and bullet holes.
If you could choose one location from your Eastern Europe tour to live out your days, where would that be?
Slovenia. It’s stunningly beautiful, has skiing, beaches, mountains, lakes, cheap flights, every convenience you have in the West, the Euro, and it’s fairly central, so there’s easy access to all the other great countries.
You seemed to have encountered your fair share of dangerous situations while traveling in Eastern Europe. What person or event was the most frightening, and how was the situation resolved?
The most terrifying moment was when I was sitting on a Romanian dentist’s chair, inside a crumbling tower block, unable to speak more than three words of common language (anesthetic wasn’t one of them). Her chair was like a medieval instrument of torture, held together by rope. She produced a syringe that was filthy and as crooked as a Romanian carrot. Mercifully, I only had some pizza stuck in the gum, and was able to have it cleared without contracting HIV or hepatitis.
Miscommunication seemed to only add interest to your travels – for example, when you were mistaken for an Ambassador from the European Cricket Council in Serbia. Do you feel that this was a benefit or a detriment to the overall experience?
It certainly made for a better story, and I don’t think the Serbians would have identified a real ECC Ambassador in a police line-up. The end result was that the Serbian Cricket Team got massive press coverage, on TV, radio, in newspapers and magazines, they got coaching and equipment, and are now die-hard fans of the game. It was touching to see how much it meant to the players and members of City Hall.
What, do you think, is the fate of cricket in Eastern Europe?
I’d like to say it will end in World Cup glory, like a Disney film, but I think that’s a few years off. Like everywhere, it depends whether people continue to put in the hard work running a club. I’ve never seen people so committed, in such tough circumstances, succeeding on such a level. I think it will flourish. They will have no shortage of Western teams pleading to come and tour, and with the game being played in Eastern European schools, and Slavs studying it at university, they will have an army of cricketers.
Your forthcoming publication is about rugby and Latvia. Do you think we’ll see even more from you about Eastern Europe in the future?
I asked myself that question while I was being spanked with birch twigs by bollock-naked Latvian lock-forwards in a sauna, post-match in the snow. How could anyone say ‘never again’ to a region like that?
One last question . . . what is the most important lesson you have learned from all of your travels through Eastern Europe combined?
Only bribe a policeman when he’s alone…and go travel Eastern Europe now!
To learn more about Angus Bell, Slogging the Slavs, and his forthcoming publications, visit his website at www.angusjjbell.com.
To buy the book directly from the publisher, visit www.fat-controller.com.
Or buy the book from amazon.com.uk
